But there was still a maybe, right?
by xXPlayedByLifeXx
Summary: One-Shot, songfic to "Walk Away" by Aloha fron Hell. Jude during the last minutes of the Season 4 finale. Explanations and a slightly different ending. Give it a shot, it's better than it sounds!


Ok, so here's another songfic by me. It's to the song "Walk Away" by Aloha from Hell (love that song, so sad), I might have chnaged the lyrics a little bit, but barely. Ok, this is when Jude's leaving in the finale of season 4. It's in the morning in front of her house when she says good-bye to Sadie and Jamie and drives away in this limo. The scene where every Jommy-fan would have liked to kick the TV and Jude and the people who have decided to make THIS the last episode ;)... In the beginning there's a flashback to the concert that evening before, just if it confuses you. Hope I didn't make too many mistakes...

Enjoy and Review. Tell me what you think, and if this isn't a better ending then the original. At least in my version there's hope, there's a "maybe" ;)...

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Songfic – But there's still a "maybe", right?

Jude was standing in front of her house, taking in the crowd of fans who was cheering for her. So this was it. She'd leave this town, her home and her country behind to go to London. Success and a big step in her career. Revenge for Darius dropping her, he was probably regretting not letting her sign a new contract. Not that she would do it now, not anymore.

_**I can't undo what I have done.  
I can't not say what I have said. **_

What she had said on that concert yesterday. It was true, but she had a bad conscience. Not because leaving. But because of Tommy. _Regrets are a little late now._

_**C**__**an't take it back, it's a little late... now. **_

How hurt he had looked when she had canceled that song. When she had dumped him and turned down his proposal and her dream. He hadn't look angry or furious like he should have, just… sad and so hurt.

_**I didn't mean to hurt you... baby...  
In any way.**_

Jude thought back to the moment after she performed "Unraveling", when she was for a few moments backstage and when Tommy showed up. With roses and a heart breaking apologize. How could she have told him it was over. How couldn't she? She had been standing there, listening to his words but not taking them in. There had been Tommy, standing right in front of her, fighting for her, apologizing. He, Tommy, of all. And what was the only thing Jude had wanted in this moment?

_**All I wanna do is walk away,  
'Cause I don't wanna lie to you.  
Something in your eye says "please, don't go...".  
But I just wanna walk away... **_

She had just wanted to get away. Get away from the whole situation. She hadn't been brave enough to tell him that she would leave alone. But she hadn't been enough of a liar to tell him everything was fine again either. She couldn't tell the truth, but she couldn't lie. So she had just settled with an answer that wasn't an answer at all.

_**'Cause if i stay I'm gonna end up hurting you...  
And I don't wanna break your heart, baby... **_

He had looked confused, but he still hadn't even thought about her wanting to end it. Not that she was blaming him, she had never given any reason to let him believe her feelings had changed.

_**It doesn't matter what I'll say,  
It doesn't matter what I'll do...**_

She had walked out on that stage, not knowing what to say. She had just known that she had to say SOMETHING. But she knew no matter what words she'd chose, they would break two hearts, Jude's and Tommy's.

_**Can't make it right, even though I want, to  
I'm not gonna say that were okay...  
I don't wanna lie.**_

So she said that it was over without saying it directly. Only Tommy would understand what she was talking about. He always understood her like no other. That was what made things even worse, he knew that this song and her words were directed ONLY to him.

So now Jude was hugging Jamie and Sadie, telling them she'd miss them. Her thoughts were still at the last evening, at a certain person who kept her heart for over 3 years. She knew now that she should have talked to him, but she couldn't bring herself to do it, not even now. She would regret it for her whole life, but she just couldn't.

Jude walked over to the limo, turning around one last time, looking at her house, her home, her sister and her best friend since childhood. He hadn't been around much lately, but he had saved her from Megan. Now she would never be able to reconnect with him. But it wasn't that important to her anymore. They had become strangers, just that they still knew each other, like Jude had foreseen. Then she spotted a familiar face in the crowd. Her stomach turned upside down. Tommy. Smiling his special smile. But this time it was full of sadness and hurt and -still- love. Jude smiled slightly. That had to mean he didn't hate her after all. But it didn't change anything, not really.

_**I should have told you long ago, what was going on...  
**_

Jude still wished she had told him in person, but now that she saw him, she knew she couldn't. She should have told him from the beginning, that something had changed. She shouldn't have started a relationship after that whole basement disaster. But she had thought love was enough. She had wanted to believe it. She hadn't even admit to herself that something was different. She still loved Tommy, even now that she was leaving him, but there wasn't the usual fire, the passion, the trust. She didn't trust him anymore. She trusted him with her life, her music, her soul, but not with her heart. She had wanted everything so bad to be ok, but that had been illusions.

_**I should have told you my feelings, were not that strong...**_

Jude sighed inwardly, knowing that she was standing on the edge again. She had to chose all over again. She could still not climb in this car. She could still go back to Tommy, try to make things work. Trying to fight. But was it worth it? Was it worth it, if there was gonna be a next heartbreak anyway? Jude sighed inwardly, turned around and got into the waiting limo. She didn't want to face everything any longer. She just wanted out. Wanted to forget. Wanted to move on.

_**All I wanna do is walk away,  
'cause i don't wanna lie to you. **_

Jude looked through the dark windows while the car was starting. Her eyes fixed on the one person she couldn't get out of her mind. His fading smile, his hurt eyes. How could she do this to him, after all she knew exactly how he felt?

_**Something in your eye says "please, don't go...".  
But I just wanna walk away...  
'Cause if I stay I'm gonna end up hurting you...  
And I don't wanna break your heart, baby... **_

_It's better this way. If I go back now and it wouldn't work out it would be even worse. Besides, I gotta take this offer. And if he comes with me, he'd give up everything he has, his whole life here for nothing._

_**I lived a lie, it wasn't fair... **_

She had lied to him. The whole last days she had been lying. She had lied when she accepted the proposal, when she planned her new life in London. Tommy had been upset when she had choosen the new house without him. That had made her realize she had also lied to herself. She hadn't just choose a house without Tommy, she had planned her life without Tommy, because she had thought about it without him in it. Unconsciously she had already left Tommy, decided for herself. But it was just then that she realized it. She had lied to him the since they started a relationship again after she had been released from that basement, but she hadn't known it until that little argument. It had changed… everything.

_**I'll say good-bye because I...  
Because I care...  
I wish I knew what i'm suppose to do...  
I wish I could be there for you... to ease the pain.**_

Jude knew that Tommy would disagree with her decision, he seemed to really want to make things work this time. Damn it, he had asked her to MARRY him. But it was better this way. Married it would have been even harder for both if Jude realized it didn't work out. Jude sighed again. She only wished she could do something to take his hurt away, to ease his pain. He had looked so vulnerable. It had hurt her to see him hurting.

_**All I wanna do is walk away,  
'Cause I don't wanna lie to you.  
Something in your eye says "please, don't go...".  
But I just wanna walk away...  
'Cause if I stay I'm gonna end up hurting you...  
And I don't wanna break your heart, baby...  
I don't wanna break your...  
**__**Heart... **_

There was nothing left to say now. Not anymore. She had said what she had said, done what she had done. There was no going back. She had made her choice. She had chosen music instead of love. And how could it be any other way? She was a rockstar.

Jude stood up and waved to her fans out of the upper window. She felt the wind in her face and she loved the feeling, the feeling of freedom.

At the airport she checked in quickly, not looking back while she went through the security control. Only when she entered the plane she looked back for one time. Allowed herself to look back for one last time.

_**I miss you**_

_Maybe this isn't the end. Maybe he'll find my letter. _While she was sitting in the rising plane, watching Toronto growing more little by second, she was thinking about that letter she had wrote last night after the concert. Telling Tommy everything, her inner conflict, that she still loved him but everything was different and she didn't trust that new feeling. That she didn't want him to give everything up just for her and then him being even more disappointed when it didn't work out. She had signed that letter with "I still love you". One of her favorite songs of her own.

Jude had made Sadie vow that she wouldn't tell anybody, least of all Tommy, about that letter and where it was hidden. She had instructed her sister to not reading or even touching it until Jude would call her and ask her to burn it. That was her pathetic and through and through crazy plan. If Tommy found the letter before she'd call she'd give "them" a chance. Tommy could find it, she had hidden it well at a place only she and Tommy knew. A place where Tommy could even look at, if he knew something was hidden. Which he didn't through.

Jude knew that it was a stupid and cowardly thing to do. She couldn't leave Tommy 100% behind. But she couldn't stay or ask Tommy to come with him, and if she had told him the truth he would have convinced her somehow to let him come with her. This way there was still a slight chance that Tommy would find the letter and follow her. But it wasn't very likely. Still, it was a chance, something to hope for.

If she would get over Tommy some day, if she could really move on, she would call Sadie and let her burn the letter. It would be for the better. Better for both of them, her and Tommy. They were never meant to be, not really, no matter what they felt for each hadn't wished in her life before to be wrong like she did now.

_But, maybe…_There WAS still a "maybe", right?

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Ok, that's it, that's my version. Please tell me what you think... :D


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